long time no update lol so sorry.. i have no idea to post lately, that's why..
btw, i had an awesome week u know!! i attended 5 services this week.. so unbelievable but a nice first move LOL.. i love God so much..
and i love this song...
" He knows my name..He knows my every thought..He sees each tear that falls..and hears me when i call.." i'm so touched with this song.. really deep..
i surrender all my life in God. every breath that i take, every moment i'm awake.. i'm falling in love with Jesus.. i gt the new spirit on my life LOL.. and i would like to enjoy it and live it to the fullest (:
but actually i'm kinda like someone.. ): idk why.. and this feeling kinda crazy huft!
i try as hard as i can not to get into it.. because i gt alot of things to rush.. anyway, i won't get him.. NEVER.. because his heart never ever here for me, bla bla bla..................
i have to encourage myself (: thanks God.. all Your encouragement that u have given for me, i'm so blessed by Rev. Ambrose John.. thanks for his ministry God, may You add and give more and more and more for him for his fam and his carreer in You Lord..
i think i want to make a poem about my status now LOL..


first, i didn't feel anything when i saw you
i never catch your wonderful eyes before
i feel nothing special when i met you
we never knew each other that day
and i thought you are arrogant

second, i started to got appealed
we met often but never talked
then i tried to know you more
with crazy way to do

third, we got to know each other
and we became friends
we had chat but never talked
we laughed but never talked
you started drive me crazy...

fourth, this feeling getting bigger and bigger
and i can't hide it
so i told my friend...
noone can help me.. because i made a wrong choice
i'm loving the wrong guy
because his love belongs to someone else
and he will never be mine
i took wrong path and overwhelmed in it

2 things i know...
first, i just can love him in silence, watch him in darkness, and hoping him can be mine oneday.. even just 1 sec with him..
trying to pretend he's mine..
love you in silence and darkness............
without noone knows how much it is
without noone knows how much pain i get when i see him
without noone knows i hope too much

second, definitely his heart will never be mine
because it's hers...
and they match together..
so i'll quit from this game, and leave them together
but i'll fighting in my own mind and my own feeling..
what can i say?

i'm loving the wrong guy

27.01.2010

hii guys...
i'm so sorry that yesterday i din't post any of my life ): it's all because the connection problem ): i can;t go online huft!! but thank God i can go today ha ha...
so i just wanna show you some of my edited pics that i edited abt 2 days ago.. emm, actually it just soso but i'm kinda proud of it ha ha..
here take a look..








here's another one...



see... i don't think those two are good enough huft!! should pratice more and more...
so what happened today?? nothing much actually.. just ussual schedule and watched 90210 n ugly betty which is kinda fun.. because watched it with MOM lol..
so, i'm so sorry if lately i didn't post any poem or watever because didn't get any idea..
but what i feel now is...
i realize he never felt for me.. even a bit the fact is he never..
also i got some words from my friend Darwin.. which is quite encourage me n hope can encourage u guys too... here's some quotes (: enjoyed...

" free love is when someone is in love with you and that person is giving you all of attention, free love is also when you and that special someone is more than happy to spend time together doing nuthing or just talking and just get lost in each others eyes, all that cost is time"
" you think you found the perfect person and in your mind the birds are singing, sun is shining and the flowers are booming but sooner or later things dont seem all that great and when you put your heart and soul into something and it doesnt work out the way you thought it does drop you down like a bag of potatoes"
" and i hate to tell you this but you will probably feel it alot and sometime it happens one after another and you dont have time to pick yourself up after each one thats why you may feel down for long time but as the saying goes there's always light at the end of the tunnel "
"but just want to say be yourself and be happy bcuz u find that being happy with yourself you attract people who are the ones you will like you for who you are"
"if people feel that you are desperately looking then they will take advantage of you, where as if ur being yourself well people will get to see who you are and love fall in love with you for that"



how u think?? that's absolutely true.. and hope u guys know the meaning of those and hope it can be something we learn from.. because we don't have to be overwhelmed about what happened with us when we are in love.. about the sad stuffs, the broken heart!! get over it!! and move on!! yea, that's it.. there are alot of another cute dolphins in sea, there are alot of another guys in this world lol.. i knew this from movie ha ha...

so i think that's all from me right now..
here's a link to song from Jo-Bro that keep me rock lately ha ha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1otzCx9eP-A

please check it out (:
so c ya guys...
xoxo

today

today at school ::
me and my crazy friends drew something silly and funny again on the whiteboard..
here's the picture ...................


cute right? LOL.. alay gankzz... who just married with beloved ALOY ha ha..
actually it's not cute.. it's silly pic ha ha.. so that's all..

back to my personal life ::
today i'm so sad that i realized HE NEVER FELT FOR ME ): i know he just was kidding when he told me that.. i'm stupid.. i shouldn't believe him but it's too late.. unfortunately i believe him too fast .. and now i'm the fool again ):

i think he finally found someone fit with him so he never text me, talk to me anymore.. he said he's busy but can't he spend even just 1min to text me? huft!!
anyway NVM.. let it flow..
i just want to focus on my study i hope this year i can join the foundation.. i wanna move from here.. God, help me make it real.. i can't never go further without u.. so i need Your side.. guide me ):

+ because i didn't eat any meat, beef, pork i feel a bit dizzy everytime.. ): give me strength ):
i need to do this for 6 months.. ahhhh!! can't imagine that suddenly i collapse at sch or in the mall.. huft!! i feel so weak now God.. i want to rely on You..
+ the internet connection pis me off arghhh!! it's so slow lately i hate it..


so maybe i'll update later.. i wanna join the chat room because here's damn bored !! that's what i do.. see ya guys later
xoxo

24. 01. 2010

this is what we * me, refnita, vennes and evi * did at sch.. ha ha
this is BABY LION with the BRA.. ya, he's quite cute right?? lol
we draw it at sch this morning, on the whiteboard ha ha.. and it was when sch finished..

so, what happened today? i did IELTS stimulation test and it was pretty tough...esp the reading part, what a hell ): it was so hard, harder than i thought before actually ):
and the listening huft!!! i hate that IELTS stimulation ha ha.. anyway, i also got some infos about curtin uni.. which is only served commerce faculty huft!! i really confused now.. should i choose mass communication? and then after i graduate, i take photography major?? ha ha... i think that's a good idea.. ha ha.. but i should ask God first that's the most important thing.. so, i'll update u guys later more about what happened today.. now i gtg to church, my fren i waiting for me now.. God also waiting for me ha ha..
so c ya guys
xoxo

haha guys... i'm back.. but i'm updating in the same post.. lol.
so after finished my sat youth service, me and my friends celebrated Ridharta birthday.. LOL.. we brought him cake with candles lol.. and he had some wishes for his 27th birthday..
then we continued our journey ha ha.. we went to Bu Sim house and celebrated again.. they ate noodle.. but i didn't ha ha.. i just kept seeing them eating that tasty noodle haha.. but i have strong reason for that.. so NVM..
after they all finished the dinner, we continued with the 2nd tart ha ha.. but this one is special ha ha.. he gave us a piece of that tart one by one.. but i didn't receive it.. i also have strong reason for that ha ha...

the funny thing is that Fio cs throwed him with eggs, flour, and water.. ha ha... he became like huge dough with egg on his whole body ha ha.. he is so cute LOL...
but unfortunately, i did't take the pic of him when he like dough.. ): sigh..
emm i went back home around 11.30pm and my dad started scold again and again.. i just can shut huft!!
but i'm so happy today.. alot of good things happened to me..
1. even the IELTS stimulation is pretty tough but i'm grateful i can trough that..
2. i really had a great and fantastic night tonight.. in sat youth service ha ha
3. i can hang out with my crazy and funny friends.. we can't stop laughing ha ha
4. i bought FRENCH book today (: i'm planning on learn that so that i can speak FRENCH which is my DREAM haha
5. my mom finally home.. i miss HER!!
6. i got alot of infos about uni (: and planning have foundation LOL * hope can happen *
7. i met HIM ha ha
................... and alot more (:
can't tell u guys one by one ha ha
but really trust me.. it was a great and big day today..

anyway, there is a thing that i'm a bit dissapointed about.. is that i didn't have enough time to ask for more info... because the IELTS stimulation was taking too long and i was freezing there huft!!
but it's ok... i can contact someone for more info...
at last i wanna say thank you for today God..
now i'm going to zzzzz
pretty tired ): so c ya tml guyss....
let's see if tml gonna be great or not... xoxo
JAY_C (:

22.01.2010

what happened today??
hmm... as ussual went to sch and went back to home..
and bla bla bla..
and writing writing writing.... da di da!! now i'm so confused about which song i want to perform in my art class ):
Jo-Bro?? cool but..... Demi Lovato?? rock but..... Taylor Swift?? nice but......

someone help me get out from this stuff!! huft!!
+ one of my fren is getting pis off.... i'm so sick of her attitude... she such a girl!! ):
but NVM.. life must go on with or without her LOL..

i'm waiting for some info about writing contest or something.. if there is, i wanna sign in so maybe i can post some of my handwriting in newspaper ha ha (:
hope God with me about this thing.. so if anyone has info about writing contest please contact me on my MSN (: * Jezz_Pinkpuff@hotmail.co.uk * add me as your friend if u want ... i'm nice girl LOL..
so today my mom isn't at home, she has meeting and have to stay at hotel.. so i'm really bored and lonely here ): really need someone to talk to huft!!
but tml is the day that i've been waiting ha ha.. can't wait for tml.. if i have time i'll update my blog later..
to my loyal reader, LOVE YA GUYS!!
xoxo JL (:

MANDY

oh Mandy..
don't turn your back on me.. Mandy
don't ever go back.. Mandy
You are an angel that came from far heaven..
and your smile shines so bright..
give me your wing so we can fly together trough this world..
let me hold your hand and we walk together..
let's trough this path and end happilly..
smell of your hair so great..
and your skin is so bright..
when the light comes out, it becomes like diamond of the treasure..
really!

what a perfect angel u are Mandy..
everybody looks at you, but you keep holding me..
i am so lucky to saved you that day..
Mandy Mandy Mandy
i can't stop thinking about you every single day of my life..
it's getting little crazy..
all on my mind is you, only you..
would you mind if this is happening to me?
because i'm starting to act insane..

I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU MANDY..
walking down with soft white gown..
so graceful,gracious..
i won't let your grasp go..
having you is opening my eyes.. and opening the door to the completely new world..
how to say??
amazing is never enough, outstanding is never enough..
wow is never enough, even fantastic..
we stay up late breaking the silence of dawn..
our laugh will never stop..
day after day this getting more and more.. more than all Mandy..
a dazzling chemistry between us? can't you feel it?
hang on with me when the storm coming..
my pride is so unbelievable, unexplainable..
you are my forever primadonna..
this is so preposterous..
i unaware about what is happening now..


suddenly i feel unfit going out with you my Mandy..
do you still need me?
or are you going back to that far heaven?
Mandy i am so sorry.. i am going wrong..
and out of control.. something about you is so addicted..
i was so strong to handle this but not now..
something about me is getting weaker and weaker..
and i can't work out with this situation..

too much for someone like me Mandy..
i know i am a bastard and i bet you have rancor on me..

but believe me it won't last forever..
only need a moment and everything will going back to normal Mandy..

i am a sissy.. and a sissy doesn't deserve someone precious like you Mandy..
but the things we trough together at the past, won't go out from my life..
you are so starry and forever will keep me up and warm me up..
forever will breaking the dawn..

JE TA'IME MANDY..

20.1.2010

today i didn't go to sch.. im still shocked about all things that happened to me so i didn't go to sch.. even i really want to go because today is my best fren birthday * MONICA *.. so sorry mon, i didnt go to celebrate it.. ): but over here, i wish u all the best.. and bla bla bla like i said on the letter that i gave you (:

so, other thing that happened today.. this is the first time i asked my fren, IVIN for help.. need alot of consideration.. finally i asked him all just because noone of my frens is online.. except him, so i asked him for help to convert my task from 07 edition to 03 edition.. huft!! that's all because when i bought this new laptop the store that i went is closed.. i need to take some things over there, but it was new year eve, so the store closed earlier.. what a silly thing =='.. so, i asked him to convert as the payback i have to mention his name on my project lol.. and i have to agree lol.. so yea, finally i can continue my work even it's kinda tough.. and i still dont know about the song i wrote, i mean i finished wrote the lyrics.. but the music ?? NO IDEA about that.. huft!! even i really want complete it immediately.. then i'm planning to set it as my ringtone ha ha.. must be so funny..

sooo by the way. about my problem that i told before on the last post.. God finally gave me the answer.. even i have to wait for almost 1 year from now on.. and have to do something called " food elimination ".. yea as we know, i must eliminate alot kind of food and sadly i have to do this for 6 months first.. it's realy tough for me but i know this is the answer that i've been waiting for.. and thanks alot God !! i LOVE ya (:

em.. truthfully lately i feel like nobody.. i mean i'm a body but inside i feel like nobody.. how to say? ): i made some words to express this feeling.. this one check it out :

" i wonder how other people will react if i am gone? Will they feel something not right? or will they feel normal? Because i'm nobody for them. i won't hope too much about it. because hoping just bring dissapointness at last. i wonder if i mean something for someone. or i'm just like someone who comes and goes. no memory left. i'm not a begger. i'm not gonna beg for love. i'm not gonna beg so that people will receive me. if they don't so what right? i'm not gonna die right? at least i have someone who will love me, actually not will but did love me. and he received me for who i am. He knows me even when i wasn't born. He had great plan and great purpose in me. which is unpredictable, unbelievable. He is admirable and almighty one. i just can rely on Him and sit there. and talk about eveything that happens on my life, about everything that i'm going trough. because He won't stop me from tell Him. He will listen to me anytime, anywhere.. "


so, what do you think guys? isn't it deep?? emm... i even almost cry when i wrote this.. ):
if you read this with all of your feeling, you must know exactly how i feel.. ): but nvm, it doesn't matter lol...
hmmmm.... how tough life is..
sometimes i think im still 16 but i keep talking about life lol.. like granny lol but it's kinda interesting so i post about it ha ha..
anyway, this is the pic of my words that i wrote just now...
i made it at sch when history subject ha ha.. sorry MR. * i forget his name * !!



it just a piece of paper from KATHERINE.. i don;t know what to do with that so i just wrote my thought there ha ha..
so that's all for today.. will update soon (:
bye guys!! (: xoxo