i promise myself that from today onwards, i will not give my ego even the slightest chance possible to ruin what we have built so far, it will not be worth it at all.

i am truly sorry for all of my stupidity and egoism that have controlled me lately and ended up making you sad.

it was killing me even more to knew that you were hurt because of what i said.

seandainya aja , gag ada jarak diantara kita. pastinya pertengkaran ini gag akan terjadi. semua karna situasi dan jarak. jarak yang buat semuanya jadi tampak mencurigakan dan bersalah. dan jarak yang buat hampir segala sesuatu yang saya lakukan itu bersalah dan mencurigakan. andaikan aja kamu disini, kamu tau setiap langkah yang saya jalanin dan segala gerak gerik saya, kamu tau saya juga bukan main main tapi saya mengejar cita cita dan harapan orang terhadap saya. saya juga susah karna situasi, saya gag suka dituduh karna itu bukan kesalahan saya. rasanya uda cukup banyak tuduhan yang gag seharusnya ditujukan ke saya. dan sejujurnya saya capek aja, lelah aja sama semuanya itu.

this is not necessary at all .

bantingin kepala dan handphone, seems to be the best thing to do right now.

For everything there is a season. When you finally found the one, you are given a wrong situation and circumstances. When you finally made up your mind, once again things go wrong and all these efforts seem to not go together. Why? For everything there is a season.

Learning how to survive in a wrong situation, learning how to get things right when actually there is nothing much we can do about it.

Why?

Everything seems to fall together at once, i have no clue whether this is better or my nightmare is just turning to a bitter reality in life. Or maybe, just maybe things fall to the right place which is unknown for me. Place where i don't belong to, place where is strange for me. Could it be that i am going there?

But why?

Is this one of those stages in life that you must go through to finally arrive at your own death?

Because it is very clear for me that i never choose to be on this pathway, to be in this journey.

But i am just being set to.

......For everything there is a season....

i'm back again now. this past week has been one of the most difficult week i have ever needed to go through. and i gotta face it alone. but gladly i didnt go through it on my own. God has been very blessing to me by sending me someone who's faithfully gonna stay by my side well not literally but you know what i meant. distance may keep us away from each other but distance is not gonna weaken my feeling for him. i have been sick, i have lost my phone again, and i have been announced about my subject grade. everything seems ridiculous to be honest, but i trust God. i know God has something beyond this, i know there is a good sign beyond the pain i am having now. i'm not gonna let God go, no matter how hard the situation may seem. but my life exists just purposely to serve Him right. i happened to get down for a moment, that's normal, because i'm just a human. everything seems to turn their back on me. i happened to almost give up, it was such a shame! i can't give up, i've get this far. i'm halfway there, why should i give up? but all i really want know is just time to pass really fast, because this is just too painful! God, i only have You, so please don't ever leave me in whatever situation. let me have new faith and hope in you, please renew my heart because i'm coming now with my broken heart. i need You shine on me God, shine on me.

! BOOYA !

hello my lovely reader. what's up? :) I have this very exciting news that now i'm working as a part-time waitress in one local cafe nearby my place. how awesome is that? haha honestly, i'm kinda proud of myself for being this strong. all thanks go to Jesus.

so, let me tell you a little idea about my work. as this is my very first ever work in my life, i was kind of nervous probably you could tell it from my face?! well of course if you were here :P

so yeah, i learned pretty alot. i tried to build up my confidence, served the customers, and did some cleaning though i'm still not used to everything especially when i am told to do some stuff.

well, this is a quite major step i even took in my life, i guess? but i am really enjoying this. and i am satisfied of it.

i hope this experience will teach me and get me wiser to just manage my life. and i will probably use my own money to buy something i dream of which is obviously CAMERA! i swear im gonna get it by 2011 :) and i will!

alright, that a little bit sneak peak of my work kinda day. now, i wanna talk something about my personal life.

i realized that nowadays im getting sick of facebook and getting more into tumblr. it's like once i'm logged into facebook, scroll down my home page, and i just end up saying "BORING SHIT". err, kinda rude i guess but seriously i'm getting sick of it. while in tumblr, i can get inspired by all the pictures, quotes, and whatever in it. actually, im getting more eager to buy my own camera because of tumblr as well. as i see alot of nice taken photo, i always tell myself that someday i will be able to take photos that are not any less awesome than these. :)

and yeah, im thinking of posting on both of my blog everyday. this blog and my new photography-fashion-beauty blog which i will link below.

PHOTOGRAPHY-FASHION-BEAUTY

go check it out if you are interested in any of those three stuff ;)

it is still kinda empty since i just made it two days ago and i'm still trying so hard to make it more interesting and of course getting follower since i still have no follower on that blog :(

do any of you guys have idea on how can i get more follower? actually, im thinking of asking favor for shoutout for my blog. but yeah, still working on it.

im trying to give my best.

ANYWAY, i told you guys that im also thinking of making a scrap-book right? it is basically just gonna be the book of my life :) i'm gonna put everything i made in it just to be a real good memory. still working on it and i guess it wont be finish until i die? haha

just having some brilliant ideas in my head that i really cant wait to launch it. hehe

oh ya by the way, if any of you guys wanna ask me anything, you all can go to my formspring page. check it out here. i would love to answer anything and probably give some advice to your problem :)

soooo, yeah i think that's all i wanna say for now. i will keep updating my blog as often as possible. and definitely check my other blog, alright?

love y'all

Jessica xx

! BOOYA !

Hi blogger. yes, i know. sorry for my lack of posting.

disappear for awhile but no worries

i'm BACK now !

and this time, i have this massive great feeling about myself :) yay me!

well, i came up with few ideas that i tend to start off by 2011

so basically, the first one is obviously keep updating my blog. second, as photography is just my passion in life, i gotta grab my own camera.

( saving up money is in progress but i'm pretty sure i'll get mine by 2011 )

third, this new idea just came up awhile ago to make a scrap-book. its a very fresh idea though, but im gonna try and go for it since i guess its a quite brilliant idea to treasure the memories :)

check out this song - can't get enough of it

Owl City ft. Shawn Chrystopher - Alligator Sky

# Letting go the stress, Screaming as if there is no tomorrow, Snapping every single thing you see, Wonderful and Memorable day in Universal Studio Singapore

# Smile while you still have tooth, Enjoy while you are still alive

so yeah, just a very quick head up. will surely post more.

ttyl xxx

Jessica~

so, what up blogger?

i know.. i havent blogged in long time. i miss you guys. i havent crapped for sucha long time. and now im so bored here and i decided to blog and talk to yall. i know, and i do realize that probably noone will ever check out or even know my blog. but aww, whatever. as long as im happy, i dont really care about this lol. and i really do happy when im talking to yall

seriously

so, great news! im officially a bachelor student naww, PSYCHOLOGY of course haha. i know i know, its kinda out of the line from whatever shit i have told you long ago. that i want to pursue career in design or photography or whatsoever. of cos, i will not give up design since its like my freaking desire that i really wannabe. but psychology isnt that bad though :) i kinda like it since the first class. i got the feeling that its gonna be an awesome and coolest job i will ever do. i've got this freaking cool idea, after i graduate imma find a job *of cos. then imma work for like 2 years probably, then imma go somewhere else. obviously not singapore, ive got this feeling that singapore is only just my stepping stone so i have this really huge and strong feeling of moving to australia. IM NOT AFRAID. i meant eventhough i gotta start everything all over again from the start i really dont mind it. i admit it im kinda an adventurous girl, its actually a limit from my parents that kinda stuck me with this situation.

ok one thing, i actually cant get a job since im a student pass holder here in singapore. but yeah fuck it. i dont really care, im planning to get a job, earn money, i wanna do something valuable for living. ive been offered a job as a waitress in one cafe where my cousin is in. i was so freaking interested and excited until the time my mom gave me sucha long lecture about bla bla. yes, about the huge risk that imma take once im working there and all those creepy shit.

my mom actually has no idea what kind of daughter that she has. im a risk-taker MOM. really i am.

i told you i wanna have the best of both worlds just like hannah montana, well not really. i wanna have the best of million worlds possible. i just have one freaking life and i gotta do all, everything it is. ive told ya, i wanna be at the edge of death just to feel the excitement, the regret of not doing what i havent done when i was still alive and surrounded by everyone i love, the feeling of screaming till u just get your lung out of your body, the feeling of that the-fastest-beat that u will ever had only once in your life more than when you get on your first kiss or your first sex. yeah, i wanna feel that. yes that.

im a crazy girl as yall cud probably tell, but im a fun girl, dont worry.

i wonder whether there is someone who is just like me, crazy as me or probably crazier than me. im so gonna meet them and be friend, not just friend. be soulmate seeing that we both wud be match and perfectly together. i believe that someday i will find that someone whos gonna.. u know.. understand who am i.. who the truly me, more than my mom even.

i have sucha long way to go right infront of me. its like everynight i can really picture it right infront of me, that very long path, the straight way, the bright road. and its not only me alone, ive got Jesus with me, right beside me. or probably not, he is like everywhere u know, he is beside me to accompany me to everywhere the hell i go, just to remind me that im really not alone in this life journey. i can see Him infront of me, guiding me, and warning me whenever there is a hole or a little tiny stone which i cant even see it. He is like the most shining light who always brighten up my day, my night, warm up my cold night and darkness. and sometimes i can see Him right behind me, ready to hold me whenever i seem to fall, and he always guides me. and weird i can also see Him infront of me, give me blessing and wisdom and all. i love Him, he is the most loyal figure that ive ever known.

ew, my story goes weirdly. this is me when i allowed to speak. HAHA

so, back to the line.

gosh, i lost the idea man. cos im chatting with some of my friends and i just lost. lol

okay so.. ive just done something really stupid. so here it is. i have twitter acc, which is followed by some guy named dennis hegstad. so, i followed him back and he sent me DM to follow another of his account, i did. and guess what turned out. he is a freaking public figure, i meant some sort of shane dawson kinda thing. it actually kinda broke my heart. cos i was thinking that i was probably able to be friend with him. it was way before i found out that hes actually a public figure. so not a single chance, anyway screw it. but i just dont know why my mind keeps thinking about this dennis hegstad things. who the hell is he. -.-

okay moving on..

hmm.. idk what to talk about now. kinda lose all the majestic ideas since the incident that just happened :/

so i guess i'll see yall later. bye xo :)

iloveyouwhoeverreadsthis. trustme,im not lying.