get your shit together!

end of February 2013, who knows just how time would fly this fast? truly reminds me of how it may be important to stop for a minute and look back, seeing how far we've gone. maybe this is one of the times when it is so much appropriate to cherish ourselves, instead of others. maybe this is one of the times to wake up from our nightmares of being a loser and just realize how we have won over all those pains and filth. maybe this is one of the times to stand up for ourselves though it may mean being left by wrong people and standing up on our own.
There are WAY GREATER things ahead of me, and that's a heads-up for me to focus on it, and not on anything else. i admit, neglecting your very feeling could be devastating and a very difficult thing to do. but i also learned just how my love for myself has to win at the end of the day. well, maybe i should start on doing that in my reality.
past few weeks have taught me considerate amount of valuable lessons, yet i will have to say that i was screwed over once again. typical me. wanting a hard way to make it as lesson, when there is obviously an easier and less hurtful way to do it. but it is alright, cos at the end of the day i can picture myself walking out of the tunnel towards the dreamland, full of everything i have been dreaming of.

from this point onwards, i swear to myself, that i will get my shit together and pace myself at God's very own pace. also, i'll love God enough to let some folks go. without further ado, i WISH you GOODLUCK on getting your shit together :)

take all of me

today, i realized that i do need rest.. rest from all of this ongoing processes of thinking, rest from all worries that are rooted inside my head, rest from all fears that creeping into my heart day by day.
today, i asked God to take some weights out of my heart. because i just can't go on with all these burdens in me. i told God that it is starting to become too heavy for me.
and i know He did take them, in fact He took more than i asked. and again, i gave up my life to say that i need Him, more than anything in this world.
i  love You
all of my hope is in You
Jesus Christ take my life, take all of me
xx

again, process

these past 2 weeks had been a real process for me. been down with flu about 2 weeks ago, and now im down with gum and throat inflammation, which makes it really painful to bite or even swallow. it truly sucks being sick, because then i can't do anything about it, except resting myself for the whole day and postpone every single thing that i need to do. well, im starting to see how workaholic i really am and how guilty i am for escaping from my routine.
apart from that, i've been struggling quite a lot lately which makes it even harder to go through the day. thankfully, God never fails to show me that He is always with me even when it is almost impossible to believe that there is actually someone who is willing to stay with me in this time of life. and by His grace, i'm still able to go through my process. however, despite every process that i am going through right now, i can again be reminded when i am drifting away from God, that everything is not alright. and this is just one way of Him asking me to seriously surrender everything and let Him write the narrative of my life.
err, i guess that is it. i promise that i'll start posting some cool stuffs here. hopefully i will get fit real soon.
xx

these girls

These girls that have been beaten up to their knees..,

They always seem so strong and tough in any weather, in fact they have no shoulder except Jesus

Funny how everyone wonders and asks themselves "how can they be so strong?"

Without even knowing that these girls, their only resource is the one up there 

They don't rely on mortality, they aim for eternity

They started this journey in doubt, they learned in the vicious way, but they came off courageous

They made gallant efforts to pull themselves back together after each storm

They have been torn apart, they know what is nasty, filth and low

They have been there

on the flipside

They tried to touch people with love, different kind of love

Even though it is not rare for them to discover that their love for people always win at the end

They actually can't love themselves more than they love others

Their hearts are simply too weak to resist the need for showing what is love to those who are unfortunate enough to ever feel the delicate beautiful touch of love

And their love for people is just a little too much to leave those people they love, that way

They can keep on walking with one leg injured, but they can't see those people they love, walk in that condition

They don't mind sacrificing as long as those people they love, know how to live a true life

rising up defeats unfairness

first of all, HEEEEEEEHHHHH *DEEPSIGH*
alright, its been a very tough week for me. good things happened, bad thing happened, still i am so grateful for being here now typing this post :p
alright let me start with the good things first.
1. i'm DONE with #LIGA2012 . i was basically in charge for the live-tweeting during the LIGA which is the sport tournament kind of thing by PPIS. and i was appointed to be in charge for 2 weeks and i'm done with that. YAY !
2. i'm DONE with my very first FA Fruity Project. so basically, we opened a booth yesterday, selling stuff that we made and we bought from Indonesia. even though, we did not meet the profit goal we set beforehand, we still sold quite a lot of stuffs. and for me personally, i feel so blessed because through this project we can actually be a blessing for the unfortunate. and that is truly a beautiful thing.
3. i'm DONE with my mentorship orientation. around 2 weeks ago, i went for JCU new term orientation and i was there for this so called "mateship program" that we made up. basically what i did here was just being a friend /  mate for a group of new students in JCU. what i did was helping them with problems that they might find, guiding them whenever they stuck and stuff. well, i'm actually not DONE yet because i'm still gonna be their mate for the whole one semester :/

moving on with the bad thing. there is actually just one bad thing, and after considering it for few times, i'm not gonna take it as bad thing no more. well, it looks as though its a very bad thing, but idk, i just learned to focus on the rainbow that comes after the hurricane ;)
today the announcement for last semester final exam is out, and yeah i did pass all the 3 subjects i took. BUT, the results were not as expected. what i thought was that, after putting that much effort last semester, i deserved more. that was my thought, probably that was not what in God's mind. and that's fine.

i let myself stay down there for awhile, kind of letting the disappointment to take control over me for some times, apologized to my parents for not meeting my promise. and yeah, it felt painful.
but on the other side of the matter, i can see God is truly faithful. He sent me amazing friends, amazing family, and amazing partner to be there for me even though what i really needed was only God. they all were very motivating and encouraging, just like what you needed when you felt helpless. one of my amazing buddy sent me this video.
HERE'S THE LINK, GO WATCH IT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMrbseGssjA

when i was watching that, i got this voice in my heart saying that "it is indeed embarrassing to be down here, reminiscing how unfair life sometimes can be, but it is more embarrassing to stay down here, and not rising up"
and exactly in that moment, i decided to puff up my chest , stretch my neck and overcome the nasty, the mean and the UNFAIR. i decided to prove to myself that i want more than this.
it was such a relief, to be able to get up and try again. it is in fact a privilege to be able to try again :)
and i know, God wants me to impress Him even harder. i'm gonna nail it this semester.
THANKS LORD !
with love, xx

i was born again

There are some moments in life, when we were hit by the thought of wishing that we could have been stronger. There are some moments in life, when the burdens and trials we were put on were just very overwhelming. There are some moments in life, when we feel very far-off from everyone whether it is family, friends, or even strangers. There are some moments in life, when we feel nothing is ever gonna get better.

i've been there. and there are few stages that i went through. first, anger. couldn't accept my situation, i went uneasy, i felt anger built up all the way from my head to my toes. i put the blame on someone who i thought was the best in my life, Jesus. yes, i blamed Him. i blamed Him for this stupid sickness that i was born with. i knew, i was totally wrong for doing that. yet, i was grateful that i did blame Him. because what? it made me realize even  more that He is TRULY THE BEST in my life.
second, depression. i felt unfair, i felt i was humiliated, i felt embarrassed. i felt lonely, i felt as if all my dark secrets were revealed. yes, i got depressed for quite awhile. i still remember the feeling when i just went cry and cry and cry and cry. i reached the point in which even tears couldn't tell the world how i felt. i went silent. and that was when all my depression released.
third, acceptance. i tried to hold on. kept telling myself that this was coming to the end. and i accepted myself as i am. first time ever in my life, i did it alone, yet TOGETHER with Jesus.
fourth, recovery. in this stage, sometimes the uneasy feeling went up and reached my point in which my tears burst again. but this time, the feeling was different. there was no more anger. it is the tears of acceptance. it is the moment of inviting the cure to work on me. it was the moment of facing my deepest fear.
fifth, new life. this was probably something that i have never seen it coming. this was the moment of pure joy. this was when VICTORY revealed itself. this was when i acknowledged that there was no effort went unavailing, if you surrendered it all to Jesus.

and guess what ? i am now in the fifth stage, new life. i feel new, i feel fresh. and most importantly, i've become someone that i needed to be, i went through something i was destined to go through. i was born again.