you're my blood, i'm a champion, bad enough?

"but somewhere along the lines, you change. you stop being you, you let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're not good and when things got hard, you start to look for something to blame like a big shadow. let me tell you something you already know, the world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. its a very mean and nasty place and i don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. you, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. but it ain't about how hard you're hit. its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward. that is how winning is done. now if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth but you gotta be willing to take the hits and not point your finger says you ain't where you wanna be because of him or her or anybody. cowards do that and that ain't you! you're better than that. i'm always gonna love you no matter what, no matter what happens, you're my son, you're my blood. you're the best thing in my life but until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life."


"defeat, retreat those are not in my words. i don't understand those definitions, i don't understand when things go wrong, i don't understand mistakes. but i do understand this, i understand victory and i understand never surrendering. no matter how bad things go. my heart and my mind will carry my body when my limbs are too weak. history will remember me and i will not have to worry about him being kind. i will define myself, i will write my own praises and no one will tell me what i can and cannot be. i will never go home, not without giving everything i have got."

this made me realize, that i have to want it MORE. I NEED TO WANT IT BAD ENOUGH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-i3g-RvC-iA&feature=related

rising up defeats unfairness

first of all, HEEEEEEEHHHHH *DEEPSIGH*
alright, its been a very tough week for me. good things happened, bad thing happened, still i am so grateful for being here now typing this post :p
alright let me start with the good things first.
1. i'm DONE with #LIGA2012 . i was basically in charge for the live-tweeting during the LIGA which is the sport tournament kind of thing by PPIS. and i was appointed to be in charge for 2 weeks and i'm done with that. YAY !
2. i'm DONE with my very first FA Fruity Project. so basically, we opened a booth yesterday, selling stuff that we made and we bought from Indonesia. even though, we did not meet the profit goal we set beforehand, we still sold quite a lot of stuffs. and for me personally, i feel so blessed because through this project we can actually be a blessing for the unfortunate. and that is truly a beautiful thing.
3. i'm DONE with my mentorship orientation. around 2 weeks ago, i went for JCU new term orientation and i was there for this so called "mateship program" that we made up. basically what i did here was just being a friend /  mate for a group of new students in JCU. what i did was helping them with problems that they might find, guiding them whenever they stuck and stuff. well, i'm actually not DONE yet because i'm still gonna be their mate for the whole one semester :/

moving on with the bad thing. there is actually just one bad thing, and after considering it for few times, i'm not gonna take it as bad thing no more. well, it looks as though its a very bad thing, but idk, i just learned to focus on the rainbow that comes after the hurricane ;)
today the announcement for last semester final exam is out, and yeah i did pass all the 3 subjects i took. BUT, the results were not as expected. what i thought was that, after putting that much effort last semester, i deserved more. that was my thought, probably that was not what in God's mind. and that's fine.

i let myself stay down there for awhile, kind of letting the disappointment to take control over me for some times, apologized to my parents for not meeting my promise. and yeah, it felt painful.
but on the other side of the matter, i can see God is truly faithful. He sent me amazing friends, amazing family, and amazing partner to be there for me even though what i really needed was only God. they all were very motivating and encouraging, just like what you needed when you felt helpless. one of my amazing buddy sent me this video.
HERE'S THE LINK, GO WATCH IT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMrbseGssjA

when i was watching that, i got this voice in my heart saying that "it is indeed embarrassing to be down here, reminiscing how unfair life sometimes can be, but it is more embarrassing to stay down here, and not rising up"
and exactly in that moment, i decided to puff up my chest , stretch my neck and overcome the nasty, the mean and the UNFAIR. i decided to prove to myself that i want more than this.
it was such a relief, to be able to get up and try again. it is in fact a privilege to be able to try again :)
and i know, God wants me to impress Him even harder. i'm gonna nail it this semester.
THANKS LORD !
with love, xx

sometimes

sometimes, time let us to get way too close that it is harder to be apart from you than just being your friend
sometimes, time let us to realize how late we have been to actually have the gut to tell the truth
sometimes, time let us to realize that it is always been that one person all the time, when it is just too late
sometimes, time let us to have just this much
and now its the time that i realize, you're more than just who i have always thought of you

hectic weeks

Hey guys , just a real quick update ..
i'm sorry for being away for like 19days since my last post. these past weeks has been very hectic. fyi, i've been preparing myself for my 5th semester final exam. as usual, loads of stuffs to revise yet given so little time. that's the main reason why i haven't posted anything here on this blog and my second blog http://youthonjesuschrist.blogspot.sg/ . well, my last paper will be on 25th of september. which means 4 more days and i will be back for some good stories i've recreated.
one more thing, i'm gonna have my very first ministry ever here in Singapore tomorrow, which is 22nd of October. i and my other fellow dancers will be performing a contemporary dance in our youth service. i pray for our dance to be a blessing for all of the people that are going to turn up.

meanwhile , i have some cool snapshots i took w/ my homie Mardiani yesterday. been so stuffed up then we decided to wipe off the stress for a little while. have a look ;)

i'll see you guys soon in 4 days ...

love xx

i was born again

There are some moments in life, when we were hit by the thought of wishing that we could have been stronger. There are some moments in life, when the burdens and trials we were put on were just very overwhelming. There are some moments in life, when we feel very far-off from everyone whether it is family, friends, or even strangers. There are some moments in life, when we feel nothing is ever gonna get better.

i've been there. and there are few stages that i went through. first, anger. couldn't accept my situation, i went uneasy, i felt anger built up all the way from my head to my toes. i put the blame on someone who i thought was the best in my life, Jesus. yes, i blamed Him. i blamed Him for this stupid sickness that i was born with. i knew, i was totally wrong for doing that. yet, i was grateful that i did blame Him. because what? it made me realize even  more that He is TRULY THE BEST in my life.
second, depression. i felt unfair, i felt i was humiliated, i felt embarrassed. i felt lonely, i felt as if all my dark secrets were revealed. yes, i got depressed for quite awhile. i still remember the feeling when i just went cry and cry and cry and cry. i reached the point in which even tears couldn't tell the world how i felt. i went silent. and that was when all my depression released.
third, acceptance. i tried to hold on. kept telling myself that this was coming to the end. and i accepted myself as i am. first time ever in my life, i did it alone, yet TOGETHER with Jesus.
fourth, recovery. in this stage, sometimes the uneasy feeling went up and reached my point in which my tears burst again. but this time, the feeling was different. there was no more anger. it is the tears of acceptance. it is the moment of inviting the cure to work on me. it was the moment of facing my deepest fear.
fifth, new life. this was probably something that i have never seen it coming. this was the moment of pure joy. this was when VICTORY revealed itself. this was when i acknowledged that there was no effort went unavailing, if you surrendered it all to Jesus.

and guess what ? i am now in the fifth stage, new life. i feel new, i feel fresh. and most importantly, i've become someone that i needed to be, i went through something i was destined to go through. i was born again.

my week in the snapshot #1

ladies night out #2

another thursday night, which means another ladies night out with all my single ladies (Mardey, Steffy, and Priscilla) ;)
tonight we are planning to go to beer market which is obviously in clarke quay.
and yeah, we're gonna take loads and loads of pics.
i really hope tonight is gonna be DOPE since i was in the bad mood just now. hope beer market can boost up my mood !
cya guys later xx