i've been there. and there are few stages that i went through. first, anger. couldn't accept my situation, i went uneasy, i felt anger built up all the way from my head to my toes. i put the blame on someone who i thought was the best in my life, Jesus. yes, i blamed Him. i blamed Him for this stupid sickness that i was born with. i knew, i was totally wrong for doing that. yet, i was grateful that i did blame Him. because what? it made me realize even more that He is TRULY THE BEST in my life.
second, depression. i felt unfair, i felt i was humiliated, i felt embarrassed. i felt lonely, i felt as if all my dark secrets were revealed. yes, i got depressed for quite awhile. i still remember the feeling when i just went cry and cry and cry and cry. i reached the point in which even tears couldn't tell the world how i felt. i went silent. and that was when all my depression released.
third, acceptance. i tried to hold on. kept telling myself that this was coming to the end. and i accepted myself as i am. first time ever in my life, i did it alone, yet TOGETHER with Jesus.
fourth, recovery. in this stage, sometimes the uneasy feeling went up and reached my point in which my tears burst again. but this time, the feeling was different. there was no more anger. it is the tears of acceptance. it is the moment of inviting the cure to work on me. it was the moment of facing my deepest fear.
fifth, new life. this was probably something that i have never seen it coming. this was the moment of pure joy. this was when VICTORY revealed itself. this was when i acknowledged that there was no effort went unavailing, if you surrendered it all to Jesus.
and guess what ? i am now in the fifth stage, new life. i feel new, i feel fresh. and most importantly, i've become someone that i needed to be, i went through something i was destined to go through. i was born again.
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