living up your dream

hello guys i'm here today ! :D
i wanna share something really meaningful to me. umm, how shall i start this. so, let me tell you something.
being here in Singapore was always been my dream since i was in primary school i think. my parents have brought me here countless time since i was a kid. so basically Singapore is like my second home.
effort that i have made in order to living up my dream was totally a lot. i did a lot. i was so overwhelmed in the thought that i need to get an IELTS of 6, and it was pretty out of reach for me that time because my english was below the standard i would say. but you know what, i did pretty much anything i could do to really practice my language, my grammar, my vocabulary, my speaking and all that. i joined chatting room, i listening to loads of musics, i started to watch movie without any subtitle, and i tried to speak in english with my best friends. well, it seems easy, but trust me with the thought of moving to Singapore overwhelmed you, it was 100 times harder. hahaha
so yeah, i joined the IELTS preparation course twice a week. my dad always drove me to the course place. he always gave me support that i would never ever forget. i remember, that was on sunday morning that he woke me up for the course, i really would never forget how much support he has given to me. entering the end of my course which means entering the IELTS exam period, i was stressed. it was a big headache for me. like seriously, what i learned in my school meant nothing compared to IELTS. i was quite desperate actually. i spent loads of time practicing there, until late at night just to fulfill my dream of studying in Singapore.
to be honest, there are some reasons behind my dream of studying in Singapore. i can't really say it all here. but the thing is that, i am responsible for my parents. i meant, they depend a lot on me. not that i am unhappy because of that, but the burden is just too heavy for me. i must be succeed, well i NEED to be succeed. if not for me, at least for my parents. at least for my dad, who already spent a lot on me. i guess this is the only thing i can do to make them proud of me.
so i went for the exam, as usual, it was my dad supporting me in the car. he said that i am capable of doing this, and i trusted him. i went for the exam confidently, of course with the guide of Jesus. then there came the day of the result announcement. and praise God, i exactly got 6 for my IELTS, just enough to get into my dream university, James Cook University. i was grateful, i was joyful. for everything that God has done to me, everything that my parents has given to me. i am grateful.
so, that was basically one of the worst times in my life in which i had to sacrifice a lot. the next story i wanna share is probably the worst of all.
so, this happened to me like 3 to 4 months ago. i had allergy, and this is pretty bad. i have been suffering for pretty much my whole life. but i have made this part of me, so yeah i am not perfect. so around 3 to 4 months ago, it got worse and worse until it reached the peak point. it was the worst time of my life. you know what happened. everyday i wake up in the morning, standing in front of the mirror and just crying myself. everyday, i am crying myself to sleep. everyday i am ruminating. i wanted to die you know. i got nothing left, my burden is too heavy. i was thinking of suicide, cos i was really at the edge of my life. you know, that morning i cried, i decided to skip my morning class. but again, i stared at myself. and this little voice came into me " look at you, you are sick, you are not perfect. but look at you, you are here in Singapore living up your dream living up your parents dream. look at you, you have eyes you have brain and mostly you have the heart like Jesus. are you sure you want to give up right now ?". i was stunned, i looked at myself, i looked at how much pain i have been through, how much suffer i have been through. and i tell myself " sure, this is just another pain to go through, i wont die anyway". so, i wiped my tears away, and i went to class. with the pain and aches all over my body still i went.
a lot of times, i feel that i really am alone in this world. that is only because i was far from God. i won't forget the day the night i spent on crying on my pain and burden and stress and heartache.
i am strong because of God, he promised me he wont give anything i cant handle and im quite honored that he trusts me this far. i won't give up. i've been through worse. and see i survive.

" i came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive. i came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise. to FLY"
i would never be able to do this without you God. to You be the glory !