it's like when you start ignoring all these things is when the miracle happens. miracle may not talk about an absolute change, it may not talk about how things suddenly turn into what you just imagine and how you wish it was. but honestly, it's about how you see these and be grateful for that as the best thing that ever happened to you. things may not change forever, but being grateful for whatever you have is a miracle. i may not have as much courage but i'm just hoping that oneday i'll be grateful for this and let God's will be done not mine. i'm not the owner of myself. sometimes, well most of the times i feel like probably it will be much better to live alone so i don't need to care about what others gonna think about me, about how i look, about what i wear, so i don't live up to their expectation and just think about myself and focus on myself. i think that way most of the time in my life how things would be easier without thinking about anything else except yourself and make yourself happy in the end. but then i think all over again. you can't live without others, you can't live with only yourself. that is a shame. if i put myself in a worse condition than what i'm going through right now, i probably will not have anything to live for. i can't imagine how am i gonna handle that if i'm not even able to handle this little thing. i am so proud of them and i feel like a loser because i can't handle myself. i don't need things to change, all i want is myself to change to be grateful. that's all i need i guess , God. others may not accept me, even those who i love but the truth is You're alone are faithful.