happy halloween :D

heya guys :)

so just wanna share that i made a new tumblr. i guess its kinda fun LOL

so i might post more there than here haha

here is the link http://jessicalolly.tumblr.com/

im sorry blogger :D

but anyway i will try to post on both of my blog haha because i love blogging yeayyy

soooo, how you guys doing? i hope everything is well and smooth. not like me, all screwed up.

what happened to me?

ALOT.. and the worst part is the same thing happened to me.

YUP exactly, i was broken heart for a hundred times :(

i dont want to talk about it right now. because its just gonna bring me down again.. im trying as hard as i can to move on because i know my life is not just for love and broken heart.. i dont even have much time left to think about such things.

i have alot to do, finish my foundation, proceed to degree, maybe do some illegal part-time job to earn more money LOL

and take care of my blogs, vlogs, and my graphic design desire..

huft, i have bunch of thing to do but sometimes i feel like nothing to do HAHA

so i just hope that this might direct my mind and my heart from all the pain i had been through.

i also want to make more and more songs and poems.

im looking for someone to sing it but yet i havent found it LOL so i might gotta wait longer haha

i guess im done for today.. i really enjoy blogging eventhough i dont think there is a viewer of my blog haha i just enjoy telling my story, my life and sharing my experience :)

and i almost forgot

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FOR ALL OF YOU !!

with love, Jessica xoxo

.....

today.. i dont feel anything at all.. im so stupid and i know i am..
i cant talk much. :(
something goes wrong and i think it is the end of my story..
we were fine at first and at the end we were broken..
i wish i was there to convince you and prevent this from happen.. but it will never happen, im not there and nothing i can do..

you asked me for second chance but you yourself ruin all the chance right when i decided to give you the second chance..
for your information, it hurts deeply.. more that i have ever felt before.. you are not sorry.. no.. i know you are not..
how am i suppose to do when you blur all my mind?
you break the perfectly good heart..

and suddenly you just turn over the steer and drive me crazy. you left me with all the pieces and memories that will never happen again..
it was 7th of June 2010.. when i found the light in you because we share the most special and perfect thing ever, Christ.

i should have known that this would be the hardest thing ever, because the distance between us.
the distance is nothing when someone is so special.
i tried to believe but it is not easy.. sometimes it does not work out no matter how much effort we put in..
i gave my best for us..

you left me with tears in my eyes.. but it is okay.. because tear is the simplest for me right now.. and chasing you is the hardest for me right now..

im sorry.. i will never forget the figure of smile in your face, it is the only thing which can make me smile when i am crying..

the smile of your face is the only thing which is able to bring smile on me when i am in tears.

remember it..

ANOTHER INSOMNIA NIGHT

hiyaaaaaa my guyssss :))

again, another night when i cant sleep :(
should change my name into " OWL " --a hahahaha
sooooo, in order not to waste my wonderful night, i decided to edit some of my pictures :D

so here it is!! rate please (:

yeahhh, that is one of my work.. i got another one here it is......................




ahahahhaaha
alrightttt.. so i just edited these two.. anyway it looks simple i guess.. :) but nevermindddd ^^

oh yer, today is saturday and tomorrow i have to go to church.. ALONE T^T so damn fugging sadddddddddddd....
huhuhu

oh yer!! i almost forgot haha

check this out guysssss..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aigL_hHGZJY&feature=related

hope u guys enjoy it (Y)(Y)
i love it so much.. he has sucha wonderful voice (Y)(Y) soooo, i guess im done.. imma try to post more and more (: and give one link everday for u guyss ;)

c ya, xxxxooooooo


muackkkkksssss********

LAST NAME??

ha ha ha haiyaaaaaa guysss :)) soooo, wub sub todayy?? well, that's good for youu ;) me? emm.. im just lamenting here infront of my laptop lool nah!! im kidding.. so, what i have been thinking lately??????

YER CORRECT!! LAST NAME!!




i've been thinking about last name.. :/ im so pityyyyy, i dont even have last name.. :( that LOLLY is just for fun.. and i realized its not cool at all :( i feel like sucha kid with Lolly behind my name FTW T^T
i've been thinking about adding some cool great name behind mine.. i've been thinking about MAVERICK which is fugging awesome.. but its someone's lastname haha. i just stole it lololol and i do feel bad haha i also thinking about ADELAIDE which is abit weird.. and HASGER :l



so yer, i dont know which one to choose.. im sooooooooooo confused... T^T so leave the comment below and let me know if you guys have something great to put behind my name ..
thanksssss guyss xxxxxxooooooo

LDR

yooo, blogger.. long time i never update my blog.. it proves im not responsible to my own blog :'( so sad..
i guess im going to update my blog more often now..

so what happened with my life?
1. finally, i made it.. i moved to singapore.. GOOD JOB!
2. i dont know what to say.. im so empty right now..

i have one goal for now.. i want to purchase an iPad :D i will save up my money from now on so i can purchase one LOL
oh yea, i got this quote which is touched me deeply inside..

" IF THE ONLY PLACE I COULD SEE YOU WAS IN MY DREAM, I WOULD SLEEP FOREVER "
that quote really has a great meaning.. and i was like " GOD, IT SHOWS HOW I FEEL FOR HIM "
:'(
being separated by distance sometimes will bring me down.. passes all my day without his smile bring me down.. i wish i could hold his hand and bring him to heaven on earth..
i wish there is one place for me and him to be together.. :'(

i should wait wait and wait.. the longest period of waiting is waiting for someone you truly want.. indeed..
but i always keep this in my mind.. if there is ever a day when i could be with him and stay together, i would fight for it no matter what it takes..
the thought of being with you tomorrow gives me strength to go on today
just know that im always waiting for you..


SIGH..
'NUFF BLOGGING.. see ya soon :D
bye catch ya lata..

me

i was rejected but God has other plan
so i came to this whole dark world, with my loud scream and tears
and this is i have to do that i have to live here
yea and if finally the time coming, i will go back to my Father
here to help you guys solving all our problems
and bringing new passion of life to death life
surrounded by sadness everywhere that's how
tough it is, but can't ask for anything better
because it just the best that i can have
serving the best i can do for u guys
and wishing my presence here will be something worthy to concern about
the excitement is none but the pain is too much
and definitely hoping i could be blessing

xoxo :DD

Jesus Jesus Jesus

Jesus.. i love you with all my heart.
for now i really know that u have something huge for me and for my future
but yet i haven't know it Jesus

everyday, i seek ur face
i wanna be where you are
it's true!! thousand days can't compare to oneday in Your court
and i'll be glad in You
my heart should rejoice in You Jesus

i don't know how come my heart could be like this
i'm thirsty and i'm hungry
of Your glory Jesus..

yes it's me your daughter
i was lost quite long but now i'm found
was blind but now i see

and i got my spirit back
i got your fire back Jesus
all i have to do is keep it real. keep it real!
it's not just a dream
even if so, i will never want to wake up
peaceful i feel in my heart
Jesus Jesus Jesus

i love You :D

Waktu pertama kali aku melihat mu, biasa di hatiku
at the very first time i saw you, nothing i felt
hari-hari terlewat dan kita bahkan tidak menjadi teman
day by day passes and we even not friends
walaupun sering ku melihat mu, tak sepatah katapun keluar
thought it’s often for me to see you, not even one word comes out
itulah kita dulu
that was we

dan suatu saat di hidupku rasa itu tumbuh
and at one moment in my life that feeling grows
rasa yang tak pernah ada untuk mu sebelumnya
feeling that never been for you before
apakah ini sungguh atau hanyalah kekaguman dariku untukmu?
Is it real or just a feeling of satisfy from me for you?
Pertanyaan yang tak bisa kujawab
Question i can’t answer

Waktu itu kau menghampiri ku dan mulai bercakap-cakap
U came to me and had a chat that time
Tak dapat dijelaskan apa yang ada di dalam ku
It’s unexplainable what is inside of me
Saat itulah aku baru bisa menjawab bahwa ini adalah sungguh
Finally at that time i can answer that it’s all real what i feel all along
Ku mulai merasa seperti dahulu saat ku jatuh cinta
I am starting to act same when i used to fall in love

Mencari perhatian mu walaupun kau jauh
Looking for your face even when you far away
Padahal ku tahu tak ada rasamu untuk ku sedikitpun
Despite knowing there is no feeling of yours for me
Ku tetap memiliki rasa itu
I still have that feeling in me
Padahal ku tahu ku akan jatuh skali lagi
Despite knowing i will fall one more time

You left me that day without anything to say
Because you think you did this for our own sake
Did you know you break my heart?
Will you please flashback a little bit?
I know that sometime we have to do good thing instead of making people happy
Even when we decide it, we lost our own happiness
And when we take a move, we lost our dreams for this long
And last when we reach it, we lost our last destination
But we finally reach that new destination
Without looking on ourselves ego
It is hurt but not for that long
Every night i star at the sky
And i see all the stars show their each beauty
And before i close my eyes
I see all our flashback in real
How we through all together
With every drop of tear, with every scream of our pain
With every smile of our satisfy, with every laugh of our happiness
It just so real in my eyes
No one never knew it over already
No one can take it all back
Even you and me
Because the space between us
Can’t be covered with our ever love
It just too wide, too deep
Thought everyone says love can make everything being under it
Not for us
It won’t be like this for long
Because knowing you and me will find our own happiness
We just need to hold on
Just watching me doing my things
Faith not gonna betray us
So it will come and we can make it
Slowly but sure it will come

God, slide me to your world
Full of grace, hope, faith, and mercy
And let me have faith in You
Than have faith in man’s
Because Your work will come
Slowly but true i know it’s coming soon
Catch a glimpse of You the Almighty one is my want
I have trusted in You and my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation
So no reason being down and broken
Because being near with You is my want
In every word comes out from my mouth
It’s count for You
Unexpectable, unpredictable, unstoppable all Your plan JESUS

God's destiny

God's destiny God's destiny God's destiny
something always inside my head and being with me everywhere i go
something i always wonder about, what is that big destiny?
something i always worry about, can i fulfill all your destiny in me JESUS?
something i always want to know about, why JESUS? why me?
something i always want to get over with, i can't do this JESUS..
something i always excited about, this is a BIG thing !!
something i always afraid of, i don't want to let you down..
something i always running away to, this is why i was born and i live here!!
something i always running away from, this is too much for me JESUS..

God's destiny is like a big present wrapped by a big PINK box with a big RED bow on top
waiting for us to open it, to take it, and smile when see it
God's destiny is like a bomb which can't wait to explode
because this is the time to explode and reveal all the bombs
God's destiny is like an ice-cream in the middle of 10kids
something we really want to reach but hard to catch
God's destiny is like air breeze gently in the morning
we can't see it easily but can feel how soft and gentle is that
God's destiny is like calculus learned by 5th grader
it's complicated, seems foolish but so useful for human life

can you reach it?
can i reach it?
can we reach it?
what we suppose to finish, and bring it back to God in the FINAL condition

would you mind to push yourself and make it to your highest limit?
would i mind to push yourself and make it to your highest limit?
until we exhausted because doing God's destiny

answer it
from your deep inside heart
only me
only you
only JESUS

10.2.2010

huftt.. such a century since i didnt post anything on my blog.. this thing happened because i dont have that exciting mood anymore.. what happened to me? IDK.. all i wanna do is only hanging out wif new breed. LOL.. gt a bit addicted into it.. yea, they all great, fun, crazy, wild LOL.. i love them all.. they filled the emptiness inside of me when i need somebody to fill it..
but the thing is i cant see them everyday ): wish i could be with them everytime, it would be so great!! (:
so, lately i had amazing days wif fellow new breed. we had farewell party last tue.. n today we catched " from paris with love" which is a nice movie * two thumbs up for John Travolta and his fave word ( motherfucker ) * hahaha..... i love his style the way he keeps all things and the way he talks LOL.. and today we also went to photo gallery and took some pics together.. we took crazy, hot, nerd, sweet, cute pose LOL.. soooo funny and cant stop laughing that time..
really it was a great time and fun time (: i never felt so much fun before.. i used to go hang out only wif my ex but now since i broke-up i get more into my frens, and try to join them when they have some events or when they gather together.. yea, im so blessed wif their presence in my life.. so i can get over wif my problems.. my personal problem which makes me a bit hopeless..
but NO!! NO HOPELESS IN MY LIFE!!
i wont get hopeless anymore.. i kno someone always in me heart <3 Jesus..
thanks alot Jesus (:
give me strength and hope Jesus.. i love You (:

+ also i want to tell u guys, i kinda like someone.. but yea.. it will never gonna happen ... NVM
love ya Jesus
love ya new breed
love ya guys

XOXO

long time no post!! now i'm back LOL..
u know wat? today i was very touched wif my bestfriend's blog LOL..
i was crying, such a girl haha... c'mon i'll show some pics that we took on sunday in church ..LOL..

1.. this is my bestfriend Shinta (:





isn't she cute?? she has a really sweet smile on his face (:

2... this is me when getting crazy LOL



hahaha... what a wild and crazy girl LOL..
another to show...


3... this is my fave pic (:



look at us.. sweet girls LOL..

4... this is us in front of a big mirror at church hahaha




5..... me (:





6.... what r u looking at sistaaa???






7.... ??????????






8..... cute.. (:





9... endless friendship <3

long time no update lol so sorry.. i have no idea to post lately, that's why..
btw, i had an awesome week u know!! i attended 5 services this week.. so unbelievable but a nice first move LOL.. i love God so much..
and i love this song...
" He knows my name..He knows my every thought..He sees each tear that falls..and hears me when i call.." i'm so touched with this song.. really deep..
i surrender all my life in God. every breath that i take, every moment i'm awake.. i'm falling in love with Jesus.. i gt the new spirit on my life LOL.. and i would like to enjoy it and live it to the fullest (:
but actually i'm kinda like someone.. ): idk why.. and this feeling kinda crazy huft!
i try as hard as i can not to get into it.. because i gt alot of things to rush.. anyway, i won't get him.. NEVER.. because his heart never ever here for me, bla bla bla..................
i have to encourage myself (: thanks God.. all Your encouragement that u have given for me, i'm so blessed by Rev. Ambrose John.. thanks for his ministry God, may You add and give more and more and more for him for his fam and his carreer in You Lord..
i think i want to make a poem about my status now LOL..


first, i didn't feel anything when i saw you
i never catch your wonderful eyes before
i feel nothing special when i met you
we never knew each other that day
and i thought you are arrogant

second, i started to got appealed
we met often but never talked
then i tried to know you more
with crazy way to do

third, we got to know each other
and we became friends
we had chat but never talked
we laughed but never talked
you started drive me crazy...

fourth, this feeling getting bigger and bigger
and i can't hide it
so i told my friend...
noone can help me.. because i made a wrong choice
i'm loving the wrong guy
because his love belongs to someone else
and he will never be mine
i took wrong path and overwhelmed in it

2 things i know...
first, i just can love him in silence, watch him in darkness, and hoping him can be mine oneday.. even just 1 sec with him..
trying to pretend he's mine..
love you in silence and darkness............
without noone knows how much it is
without noone knows how much pain i get when i see him
without noone knows i hope too much

second, definitely his heart will never be mine
because it's hers...
and they match together..
so i'll quit from this game, and leave them together
but i'll fighting in my own mind and my own feeling..
what can i say?

i'm loving the wrong guy

27.01.2010

hii guys...
i'm so sorry that yesterday i din't post any of my life ): it's all because the connection problem ): i can;t go online huft!! but thank God i can go today ha ha...
so i just wanna show you some of my edited pics that i edited abt 2 days ago.. emm, actually it just soso but i'm kinda proud of it ha ha..
here take a look..








here's another one...



see... i don't think those two are good enough huft!! should pratice more and more...
so what happened today?? nothing much actually.. just ussual schedule and watched 90210 n ugly betty which is kinda fun.. because watched it with MOM lol..
so, i'm so sorry if lately i didn't post any poem or watever because didn't get any idea..
but what i feel now is...
i realize he never felt for me.. even a bit the fact is he never..
also i got some words from my friend Darwin.. which is quite encourage me n hope can encourage u guys too... here's some quotes (: enjoyed...

" free love is when someone is in love with you and that person is giving you all of attention, free love is also when you and that special someone is more than happy to spend time together doing nuthing or just talking and just get lost in each others eyes, all that cost is time"
" you think you found the perfect person and in your mind the birds are singing, sun is shining and the flowers are booming but sooner or later things dont seem all that great and when you put your heart and soul into something and it doesnt work out the way you thought it does drop you down like a bag of potatoes"
" and i hate to tell you this but you will probably feel it alot and sometime it happens one after another and you dont have time to pick yourself up after each one thats why you may feel down for long time but as the saying goes there's always light at the end of the tunnel "
"but just want to say be yourself and be happy bcuz u find that being happy with yourself you attract people who are the ones you will like you for who you are"
"if people feel that you are desperately looking then they will take advantage of you, where as if ur being yourself well people will get to see who you are and love fall in love with you for that"



how u think?? that's absolutely true.. and hope u guys know the meaning of those and hope it can be something we learn from.. because we don't have to be overwhelmed about what happened with us when we are in love.. about the sad stuffs, the broken heart!! get over it!! and move on!! yea, that's it.. there are alot of another cute dolphins in sea, there are alot of another guys in this world lol.. i knew this from movie ha ha...

so i think that's all from me right now..
here's a link to song from Jo-Bro that keep me rock lately ha ha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1otzCx9eP-A

please check it out (:
so c ya guys...
xoxo

today

today at school ::
me and my crazy friends drew something silly and funny again on the whiteboard..
here's the picture ...................


cute right? LOL.. alay gankzz... who just married with beloved ALOY ha ha..
actually it's not cute.. it's silly pic ha ha.. so that's all..

back to my personal life ::
today i'm so sad that i realized HE NEVER FELT FOR ME ): i know he just was kidding when he told me that.. i'm stupid.. i shouldn't believe him but it's too late.. unfortunately i believe him too fast .. and now i'm the fool again ):

i think he finally found someone fit with him so he never text me, talk to me anymore.. he said he's busy but can't he spend even just 1min to text me? huft!!
anyway NVM.. let it flow..
i just want to focus on my study i hope this year i can join the foundation.. i wanna move from here.. God, help me make it real.. i can't never go further without u.. so i need Your side.. guide me ):

+ because i didn't eat any meat, beef, pork i feel a bit dizzy everytime.. ): give me strength ):
i need to do this for 6 months.. ahhhh!! can't imagine that suddenly i collapse at sch or in the mall.. huft!! i feel so weak now God.. i want to rely on You..
+ the internet connection pis me off arghhh!! it's so slow lately i hate it..


so maybe i'll update later.. i wanna join the chat room because here's damn bored !! that's what i do.. see ya guys later
xoxo

24. 01. 2010

this is what we * me, refnita, vennes and evi * did at sch.. ha ha
this is BABY LION with the BRA.. ya, he's quite cute right?? lol
we draw it at sch this morning, on the whiteboard ha ha.. and it was when sch finished..

so, what happened today? i did IELTS stimulation test and it was pretty tough...esp the reading part, what a hell ): it was so hard, harder than i thought before actually ):
and the listening huft!!! i hate that IELTS stimulation ha ha.. anyway, i also got some infos about curtin uni.. which is only served commerce faculty huft!! i really confused now.. should i choose mass communication? and then after i graduate, i take photography major?? ha ha... i think that's a good idea.. ha ha.. but i should ask God first that's the most important thing.. so, i'll update u guys later more about what happened today.. now i gtg to church, my fren i waiting for me now.. God also waiting for me ha ha..
so c ya guys
xoxo

haha guys... i'm back.. but i'm updating in the same post.. lol.
so after finished my sat youth service, me and my friends celebrated Ridharta birthday.. LOL.. we brought him cake with candles lol.. and he had some wishes for his 27th birthday..
then we continued our journey ha ha.. we went to Bu Sim house and celebrated again.. they ate noodle.. but i didn't ha ha.. i just kept seeing them eating that tasty noodle haha.. but i have strong reason for that.. so NVM..
after they all finished the dinner, we continued with the 2nd tart ha ha.. but this one is special ha ha.. he gave us a piece of that tart one by one.. but i didn't receive it.. i also have strong reason for that ha ha...

the funny thing is that Fio cs throwed him with eggs, flour, and water.. ha ha... he became like huge dough with egg on his whole body ha ha.. he is so cute LOL...
but unfortunately, i did't take the pic of him when he like dough.. ): sigh..
emm i went back home around 11.30pm and my dad started scold again and again.. i just can shut huft!!
but i'm so happy today.. alot of good things happened to me..
1. even the IELTS stimulation is pretty tough but i'm grateful i can trough that..
2. i really had a great and fantastic night tonight.. in sat youth service ha ha
3. i can hang out with my crazy and funny friends.. we can't stop laughing ha ha
4. i bought FRENCH book today (: i'm planning on learn that so that i can speak FRENCH which is my DREAM haha
5. my mom finally home.. i miss HER!!
6. i got alot of infos about uni (: and planning have foundation LOL * hope can happen *
7. i met HIM ha ha
................... and alot more (:
can't tell u guys one by one ha ha
but really trust me.. it was a great and big day today..

anyway, there is a thing that i'm a bit dissapointed about.. is that i didn't have enough time to ask for more info... because the IELTS stimulation was taking too long and i was freezing there huft!!
but it's ok... i can contact someone for more info...
at last i wanna say thank you for today God..
now i'm going to zzzzz
pretty tired ): so c ya tml guyss....
let's see if tml gonna be great or not... xoxo
JAY_C (:

22.01.2010

what happened today??
hmm... as ussual went to sch and went back to home..
and bla bla bla..
and writing writing writing.... da di da!! now i'm so confused about which song i want to perform in my art class ):
Jo-Bro?? cool but..... Demi Lovato?? rock but..... Taylor Swift?? nice but......

someone help me get out from this stuff!! huft!!
+ one of my fren is getting pis off.... i'm so sick of her attitude... she such a girl!! ):
but NVM.. life must go on with or without her LOL..

i'm waiting for some info about writing contest or something.. if there is, i wanna sign in so maybe i can post some of my handwriting in newspaper ha ha (:
hope God with me about this thing.. so if anyone has info about writing contest please contact me on my MSN (: * Jezz_Pinkpuff@hotmail.co.uk * add me as your friend if u want ... i'm nice girl LOL..
so today my mom isn't at home, she has meeting and have to stay at hotel.. so i'm really bored and lonely here ): really need someone to talk to huft!!
but tml is the day that i've been waiting ha ha.. can't wait for tml.. if i have time i'll update my blog later..
to my loyal reader, LOVE YA GUYS!!
xoxo JL (:

MANDY

oh Mandy..
don't turn your back on me.. Mandy
don't ever go back.. Mandy
You are an angel that came from far heaven..
and your smile shines so bright..
give me your wing so we can fly together trough this world..
let me hold your hand and we walk together..
let's trough this path and end happilly..
smell of your hair so great..
and your skin is so bright..
when the light comes out, it becomes like diamond of the treasure..
really!

what a perfect angel u are Mandy..
everybody looks at you, but you keep holding me..
i am so lucky to saved you that day..
Mandy Mandy Mandy
i can't stop thinking about you every single day of my life..
it's getting little crazy..
all on my mind is you, only you..
would you mind if this is happening to me?
because i'm starting to act insane..

I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU MANDY..
walking down with soft white gown..
so graceful,gracious..
i won't let your grasp go..
having you is opening my eyes.. and opening the door to the completely new world..
how to say??
amazing is never enough, outstanding is never enough..
wow is never enough, even fantastic..
we stay up late breaking the silence of dawn..
our laugh will never stop..
day after day this getting more and more.. more than all Mandy..
a dazzling chemistry between us? can't you feel it?
hang on with me when the storm coming..
my pride is so unbelievable, unexplainable..
you are my forever primadonna..
this is so preposterous..
i unaware about what is happening now..


suddenly i feel unfit going out with you my Mandy..
do you still need me?
or are you going back to that far heaven?
Mandy i am so sorry.. i am going wrong..
and out of control.. something about you is so addicted..
i was so strong to handle this but not now..
something about me is getting weaker and weaker..
and i can't work out with this situation..

too much for someone like me Mandy..
i know i am a bastard and i bet you have rancor on me..

but believe me it won't last forever..
only need a moment and everything will going back to normal Mandy..

i am a sissy.. and a sissy doesn't deserve someone precious like you Mandy..
but the things we trough together at the past, won't go out from my life..
you are so starry and forever will keep me up and warm me up..
forever will breaking the dawn..

JE TA'IME MANDY..

20.1.2010

today i didn't go to sch.. im still shocked about all things that happened to me so i didn't go to sch.. even i really want to go because today is my best fren birthday * MONICA *.. so sorry mon, i didnt go to celebrate it.. ): but over here, i wish u all the best.. and bla bla bla like i said on the letter that i gave you (:

so, other thing that happened today.. this is the first time i asked my fren, IVIN for help.. need alot of consideration.. finally i asked him all just because noone of my frens is online.. except him, so i asked him for help to convert my task from 07 edition to 03 edition.. huft!! that's all because when i bought this new laptop the store that i went is closed.. i need to take some things over there, but it was new year eve, so the store closed earlier.. what a silly thing =='.. so, i asked him to convert as the payback i have to mention his name on my project lol.. and i have to agree lol.. so yea, finally i can continue my work even it's kinda tough.. and i still dont know about the song i wrote, i mean i finished wrote the lyrics.. but the music ?? NO IDEA about that.. huft!! even i really want complete it immediately.. then i'm planning to set it as my ringtone ha ha.. must be so funny..

sooo by the way. about my problem that i told before on the last post.. God finally gave me the answer.. even i have to wait for almost 1 year from now on.. and have to do something called " food elimination ".. yea as we know, i must eliminate alot kind of food and sadly i have to do this for 6 months first.. it's realy tough for me but i know this is the answer that i've been waiting for.. and thanks alot God !! i LOVE ya (:

em.. truthfully lately i feel like nobody.. i mean i'm a body but inside i feel like nobody.. how to say? ): i made some words to express this feeling.. this one check it out :

" i wonder how other people will react if i am gone? Will they feel something not right? or will they feel normal? Because i'm nobody for them. i won't hope too much about it. because hoping just bring dissapointness at last. i wonder if i mean something for someone. or i'm just like someone who comes and goes. no memory left. i'm not a begger. i'm not gonna beg for love. i'm not gonna beg so that people will receive me. if they don't so what right? i'm not gonna die right? at least i have someone who will love me, actually not will but did love me. and he received me for who i am. He knows me even when i wasn't born. He had great plan and great purpose in me. which is unpredictable, unbelievable. He is admirable and almighty one. i just can rely on Him and sit there. and talk about eveything that happens on my life, about everything that i'm going trough. because He won't stop me from tell Him. He will listen to me anytime, anywhere.. "


so, what do you think guys? isn't it deep?? emm... i even almost cry when i wrote this.. ):
if you read this with all of your feeling, you must know exactly how i feel.. ): but nvm, it doesn't matter lol...
hmmmm.... how tough life is..
sometimes i think im still 16 but i keep talking about life lol.. like granny lol but it's kinda interesting so i post about it ha ha..
anyway, this is the pic of my words that i wrote just now...
i made it at sch when history subject ha ha.. sorry MR. * i forget his name * !!



it just a piece of paper from KATHERINE.. i don;t know what to do with that so i just wrote my thought there ha ha..
so that's all for today.. will update soon (:
bye guys!! (: xoxo

~ surrender song ~

God.. i can't do this anymore.. i can't stand this life.. i can't stand this situation anymore.. everything is just too heavy for me.. the burden that i'm having, the problem that i'm having, all the pain, all the bad thing, all thing that happened to me i can't take this anymore.. what should i do?? should i just end up my life?? i'm so surrender.. i'm so surrender.. i'm so surrender.. i'm crying i'm breaking.. until i don't know how to think.. until i don't know how to live my life anymore.. what can i do to fix it God?? ): i never have the chance to feel the real life, i always hide myself and my desire.. i never can't show up who i am.. ): i'm getting this point.. and i know i'm opening the door for evil.. i don't want but my body just let me do this.. my faith isn't enough.. how can i have more faith in You God?? how long i should have to wait for a healing?? how long it takes?? until my death?? ): God, i never knew that life will be this hard.. will be this dark and cold.. as i getting older i realize life is too tough.. even i have free choice but i'm just can't make the right one.. what must i do to solve this?? God... ): don't leave me hopeless here.. God.. i only can put my hope in You.. only You.. ): give me more of Your grace, give me more strength to go trough this last day of my life..
i love u God for everything i love You


thanks for my friends who care about me.. thanks for Darren and Jack, Katherine and Monica and others.. thanks for making me smile and laugh..
i love you..

THINGS THAT KEEP SPINING AROUND

Writing. This is the information age. People want to know what you know. They want to have access to what you know even when they can't get access to you. So, they want you to write it down for them. They want you to write it concisely, accurately and in a way that is easy to understand. You want people to know and believe good things about you so that they will hire you, contract with you or buy your product. You need to provide them informative, credible, motivational and pursuasive literature that lets them know what you have done, what you know and what you can do. You absolutely, positively, without a doubt must be able to write in order to get to the top of your career, business or profession. In case I haven't stated that emphatically enough, let me repeat: ya gotta write. And if yer grammar or spellin' ain't no good, ya gotta fix 'em.


see, this is one of article i saw in the internet.. this one is really great lol. about why we should write.. i think this obviously right n correct (: that's also why i love writing and wishing somehow oneday i can send my handwriting to publisher or whatever.. like reporter or something ha ha.. pretty good and high-class job lol..
so, what happened today??

yea normal day as usual go to sch, and study and have a break then continue study.. getting sleepy while in physics time * can't help it!! * lol and go home.. have lunch, watch TV * foxcrime * for a while then take a bath and take a nap.. wake up, take a bath, have dinner, watch TV * foxcrime * , go online, chatting also googling some informations, then post this one , then getting sleepy and finnally end my day with a beauty sleep lol

so, these are what on my mind now..
1. continue study
2. study harder to make someone proud
3. get the best uni <3>
4. looking for english course
5. writing
6. writing
7. writing
.......................

boring stuffs on my mind now but can't clear it out of my head ): must focus on my future and what i'm gonna be lol.. but it just a hard choice for me.. i'm afraid i will take a wrong path then everything will be a mess ):
so i have to think alot for this one.. can't think by myself, need some suggestions from fam, frens and also God.. how do i prepare all?? can't just finish by one n a half years ): so the score might not be as good as i expect.. at least 6.0 on my IELTS.. damn what a high requirement!!

ppl said NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.. yea, it's relieve.. just abit, the thing is we still have to work very hard to get it.. * not everything i want can be mine right? * and for now i just need support from all my friends..

* THINGS THAT KEEP SPINING AROUND *

what can i say about it all

you don't know how crazy you made me
i can't stop thinking about it
is this real or just my dream? because it just me that feel it
and consider about this
u just sitting there and looking forward for everything
and never care even just a bit about it....
i'm just so stupid and got into too much
and let myself be like this begger
people change nothing keep same
everything is fickle !!!

there is no lasting thing in this whole world
everyone just seems overwhelmed with their own life their own bussiness
the circumstance makes me realize i shouldn't got into it
it's all my fault that i put all my hope in you
and can't imagine what will i be without you here

you are the tone in my music
you are the humidity in my air

God, he means too much for me.. so much over.. should i let go of him?? and lost another thing that worthy for me?? or can i just say i wasn't born for love?? yupp that's the right word for it.. everytime when i get into it, that's the time i hurt myself over and over again.. and kill the good thing that happened to me... fall again, breaking again, bleeding again..

God if you hear me please let me have the endless one and won't make me fall again.. can God?? i need someone to complete my life.. just so hard to find it ): i'm not in the rush but i can't stand loneliness.. not talk no words come out from this lips.. the worst thing in this world..

God let me have one
please
let me ....

i'm surrender
and overwhelmed into my sorrow and my burden
it keeps in my head all the time
everytime i breath i feel hurt again

noone else can make me feel this.. only him and him and forever him
just him just him just him...
i'm acting insane.. out of control.. and unpredictable..

i can't show it all in front of him.. i just hide it.. the time i'm in my room i start to act insane.. only me and God know how crazy and stupid that thing.. it's all not like my dream..
white horse , prince, flowers, sweet words everywhere, love is in the air..
just a fairytale which never gonna happen..

or is it just the matter of time?
how long i have to wait for this feeling come true?
does it take forever? or never?

forever never .. forever never..

punish me
punish me
punish me because got into too much God
i'm not a good kid ):

):


created by Jessica * true story *

how much this can be

even you dont want to give your love for me
i will still love you
no matter what happened
no matter how far we are
i am gonna walk 1000miles just to see you
i am gonna cross the ocean just to hug you
i am gonna get myself in the dangerous just to safe you

really deep in my heart
can't explain how much it is
just from what i do for you
that shows how much it is

baby can't u see i am dying over here?
waiting for your heart
open the door for me
let me go in
even just for a moment
not everlasting
because i know u will never have the same feeling as me
let me show you how much it is
you deserve to be loved to be cared

it isn't intricate
it's a distinctive way to tell you
but if you really dont want this happen
don't be perforce because of it baby

for your own sake let just me dying here
because of this feeling
not you..

that's how much i love you...

stucking

you know me inside and outside
the good and the bad
you know how much sacrifice i did to get you don't you?
you know what makes me cry or even makes me dying don't you?
i know i'm stupid and even crazy to keep holding this all
because i realize it won't end the way we want

if God with us everything can happen
even something that never been heard or thought by us

all this time i never knew who is the real me
i'm sitting here on the corner of my bedroom
trying to figure out what is really happening here
because i have no idea what this is all about
can you give me some explanations?
why i keep being stubborn like this

someone help me get out from this hell
i want to let it go throw it all away
and running away from this things
i just can't
my feet can't move
my hands can't help me
my mouth can't speak

i'm stucking here...

5.1.2010

emm.. so sad. bcause today is the last day i dont go to sch.. tml i have to go to sch =(( hope i can get along wif my frens again lols.. so today??? nothing special.. just watched TV, n chatted all day.. =((
today i must sleep earlier so tml i can get up earlier,, =((

i want to post something about wat i feel now.. yea LOVE N LOVE lol.. bcause im good at expressing my love ha ha so c ya guys..
hope tml will be better than today <3

wat happened today <3

ha ha okay.. today i met a stranger in ICQ as usual but this time this stranger is different..
lol. why i said he's different?? because we have alot of incommon. lols... okay first he's PM me in ICQ, then we talk.. u know his nickname?? it's " lookingforgf_sg " haha so funny n cute . then we talk n talk n talk.. u know we talk the whole day !! ha ha..
sounds really weird but yea he's nice person.. and he wants to meet up wif me but i said mybe i can meet him in the end of the year ha ha crazy rite??
its the star of the year now lols.. then he should wait 11months too c me ha ha.. nvm about it. the things i want u to know is how weird that we have alot of incommon..
first.. i love going to Bugis n Parkway.. then he lives in Bugis n his sch is near Parkway only 3 bus station dfrent ha ha.. okay thts quite weird.. then we talked about our fave songs.. we both love westlife when we were kid ha ha then we both also love the click five.. i think the singer is freaking cute but he said he dont want to say so because ppl will think that he's a gay ha ha
funny ... =))

he starts to make me happy lols
then we talk about i like a guy with spec ha ha then he said thankfully he wear spec.. but i said its better if the spec is black or white.. then he said he dont mind to change the color lols im happy to hear that but i dnt want to control him =))

ha ha the other thing is we also talked about wat food we like.. i said i love noodle, pizza n cheeseburger he also love it!! cant believe it ha ha.. and yea the most important thing that makes me happier is because we chat the whole day.. from morning until so late at night ha ha

but today i also feel not good.. i hurt someone's feeling.. im so sorry =((
i wont mention the name =(

okay thts all actually i wanna tell more about today.. but my finger is kinda hurt ha ha lol
so c ya guys!!!!!!!!!!!!! >< Jessica <3

flowers everywhere
leaves everywhere
it's autumn !!
it's the time to go out and leave our soul free making the brand new us
get out from the room where we used to be there
and show the world who are the real us
we can do everything if we walk together
we step together, we cry together we break together
we run together, we smile together we laugh together
do u remember when we made a joke about ice cream??
we were laughing until we cried
precious moments that never been forgotten
will be in my heart always





chase what we are waiting for all this time
seize what we are dreaming about all this time
revealing what we are thinking of all this time
because this moment won't come for second time
so this is the last shot for us don't ever muff this treasure no time for camouflage it is show time baby !!

"Love reminds me of a bird. If you care about it you will listen to the songs of the bird and will feel its tenderness. But if you do not, it will fly away!"
Olga Sinetskaya. "Love... we think about it, sing about it, dream about it, lose sleep worrying about it. When we don't have it, we search for it; when we discover it, we don't know what to do with it; when we have it, we fear losing it. "

"Love is like a shadow, when you chase it, it runs away, when you turn back and walk away, it follows you


DARWIN BRITOS =)

"A relationship is like a rose, How long it lasts, no one knows. Love can erase an awful past, love can be yours, you'll see at last. To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die. You hope you've found that special rose, 'cause you love and care for the one you chose."
Rob Cella